Thoughts on Being Brave as an Adult

+ finding community and why I've been trying to be more positive.

Hi! I love this Wednesday post so much. It feels like a fireside chat and I’m so grateful that you’re on the receiving end.

I told myself to be brave a couple of times last week. Brave in the context of being brave enough to voice my opinion, brave enough to say yes to a brand partnership that intimidated me and brave enough to say no because I just did’t want to say yes. We get to a certain age where we don’t have people telling us to be brave anymore. I think about this a lot as a parent to young kids who I am constantly trying to encourage. I spend so much of my day talking them through tough situations, building them up, comparing certain scenarios to come up with the best outcome, instilling in them what it means to be a good human, etc. etc. All of the energy I put into my kids reminds me how fleeting those positive conversations become as you get older. It’s like that line in Inside Out 2 when Joy says, “I don't know how to stop Anxiety. Maybe we can't. Maybe this is what happens when you grow up. You feel less joy.” That line gutted me. But also, growing up is hard, especially when you start to lose the voice in your head that tells you to keep going.

I have always mentioned the importance of being your own cheerleader. I think this idea has served me well during many life transitions. Becoming a mom, growing a business, meeting new mom friends, moving and just getting older. The expectation of growing older is that we don’t need as much moral support and I think that the opposite is true. Now more than ever I find myself second guessing my decisions, wishing I could go back in time, say something a different way. We don’t have many people validating our choices so instead we sit with ourselves, wondering if we could have done better. We are so fearful of everything and it has allowed us to lose the most simple form of bravery - trust in ourselves. We have to be there for ourselves. We have to be brave!

This idea also leads me my most recent personal project, choosing to be positive. Let me explain. Thanks to fear and my need to control, I often feel like at any moment I’m preparing for an attack. Or in a more relatable sense — an accusation, a critique, an argument or general push back (usually from my kids). I am defensive and immediately take things out of context to protect myself. I hate it. Instead of looking at things from a negative (attack) perspective, I’m really trying to take a positive tone in everything that I do/respond to. I connect this to the voice in my head that makes me second guess myself and flip that to a “you are brave and you can handle this” perspective. I also want to say from experience that I really admire those who maintain positive energy or give people the benefit of the doubt. I really want to be that person. Damnit, I am going to be that person!!

When we moved, I second guessed myself as a friend. I felt like I was abandoning one friend group and the friendships I envisioned ahead of me, for a very vulnerable phase of meeting new friends with no real history/connection. I felt insecure when I checked in on old friends and insecure putting myself out there. That feeling would creep in when I would catch up with my friends from Chicago. Like my spot had been filled and what held us together was fading away as time went on. It isn’t necessarily true but I realized that I was making it difficult to maintain friendships because I was doubting myself. I lost my bravery, instead of living in this confident place of “I moved away and I’m happy and I miss you and that’s okay!” Now when we see each other I fully commit to positivity/bravery (do they go hand in hand?) in the situation. All sides can be great and right and welcome if you let them! Now that I’m typing this out, I think these two factors play a big part in my confidence. Remember this, Liz!!!!!

Be brave, trust yourself, let people in, support and uplift others through positivity, find your community! It seems simple enough but why does it feel so hard sometimes. At the very least, I hope what we’ve created (and this new space within Substack!) can help you see/feel a community that is here for you. We all need it! Thank you for coming on these Wednesday journeys with me.

Grateful for you!

Liz