Home is a feeling.

My fear of passing time, building a strong family relationship and trusting what's ahead.

Chronophobia (noun), fear of the passing of time. I’ve learned over a personal semi cross-country move and recently packing up my childhood home that this may very well be me.

When we moved to Charleston, I experienced intense emotions about closing the chapter of our lives in Chicago. Knowing that those chaotic, beautiful days where I experienced becoming a new mom in a drafty old house were behind me. A season of life I would never get back and the fear/unknown of what was ahead. Today my parents officially turn over the keys to my childhood home and I find myself experiencing those same emotions for them and the years we spent there. Knowing the time it takes to adjust to a new version of “home,” discovering new routines and finding a new identity.

I think that is a big part of it. The identity that your home becomes. Especially when you live in the same place for 30 years. 30 years of memories, raising your kids to become adults, saying goodbye to the rooms that kept your children safe, the comfort of knowing you can always come home. I’ve told my mom over and over again that moving is like shedding a layer of yourself. My parents bought my childhood home when they were my age. Now as a mom myself, and knowing how quickly time passes by, I mourn that season of life for them.

My siblings and my parents shared sentiments last night of all our beautiful memories together, growing up in truly the most ideal childhood experience I could imagine. How lucky to have that foundation for the life I’m building for my own family. I shared a quote from Anderson East - “if a house is a building, home is a feeling.” It got me thinking about the number one question I have received over the years (truly, above anything else) - how did your parents build such a strong family relationship? And how will I establish that with my own family?

The feeling of home. It was never about the house, although it was a pretty perfect representation of home, it was always about the feeling of home that was created inside. Safe, warm, trusting, loving, fun. The word feeling is something I really try to emphasize in all areas of my life. When someone walks through the door of my home, I want them to feel like they can plop down on the couch and stay awhile (never too perfect, always well lived). When my kids come home from school, I want them to feel the strength of my love, the smell of a cozy candle or dinner on the stove, the comfort to show up just as they are. When you follow me here or on my social platforms, I want you to feel community, connection and human experience. That you’re safe to admit your struggles, faults, fears or joys. We can associate physical things to moments in time but what stays with us is the feeling.

A good reminder during a season of stuff (and maybe even into the new year). How does this make someone feel? I’m all about the good feels. And the reality is, life is short. Seasons change, time marches on. Our move to Charleston truly taught me the value of a moment, saying goodbye to a beautiful season of life and trusting that what’s ahead could be just as wonderful. So with my fear of passing time, and closing chapters of life, I find comfort in the possibility of history repeating itself. And if I’m being honest with myself, the feeling of home travels wherever my parents go. I’m so grateful for that.

Always remember there was nothing worth sharing like the love that let us share our name. - Avett Brothers, Murder in the City

Thank you for being part of my human experience and letting me share it all with you. xoxo

Liz