A Realization I Had Last Week

– last minute plans, things my therapist taught me, getting back to your "child" and out of your own way.

Hi! How are you?

Last week (and even last night!) I spent time catching up with girlfriends and it was good for the soul. It is really easy for me to fall into excuses for not making plans. Especially this time of year when back to school, kids sports, homework and life feels more demanding. But last week I made small plans and let me tell you, small plans is where it’s at. I went for a walk and grabbed coffee with a girlfriend, grabbed a glass of wine with another, stopped by another friends house for a business chat, had lunch with 2 girlfriends on Friday and then a smaller dinner with another 3 last night. I’ve realized I’m not great at planning ahead but I’m really great at last minute invitations and sometimes those are initiated right when you need them.

This time of year I get a little in my head. And I think others feel the same? I’m speaking personally and just as feedback from others. It reminds me of the January 1 mentality, getting too caught up in the race of “back to school” energy and then crashing and burning. I put a lot of pressure on myself to thrive as soon as my kids are back to school but the truth is I’m floundering a bit with time management and figuring out exactly what I want to do. I feel distracted and in a creative rut. It is a domino effect into all areas of my life (hi Dave) and that’s when I know I need to take a step back.

I went to my therapist last week in the midst of feeling a little out of control. Do you go to therapy? You should. We are all dealing with something and maybe my something isn’t a huge anything but having an unbiased opinion really opens your eyes into yourself. I always go in thinking one thing and quickly realize I was writing a different story in my head. But if you’re in the thick of it with young kids, these early years are tough. Tough on friendships, relationships, your own personal self care/time and so much more. Dave and I can get into this routine that my therapist describes as Parenting/Adult/Child relationships. I become the parent and Dave is the child where in a perfect world we would both live happily as adults. But that’s not reality most days. The reality is that having control makes me feel IN-control when things feel OUT of control. This pushes me into a “parenting” role and Dave stays fun and fancy free as a “child.” But, this type of relationship can lead to resentment, loss of purpose and clearly, no wife wants to be the parent to their husband.

I’ve realized over the years that I’ve lost my “child.” The fun, free of fear, happy go lucky side of myself. I blame it on the fear mentality and having your heart live outside of your body once you have kids. So it’s ok that my child has been hidden to protect my children and myself! It’s what we do. But I want to be the child again, too. The child that is spontaneous, lets go of plans and rules, is brave enough to let my kids have more freedom, says yes to a glass of wine with girlfriends on a Monday - hell, has more sex with her husband! Last week when I made all these last minute plans with friends, I realized how much I need that free spirited, child-like mentality in my life.

Here it to connecting back to my “child” and getting out of my own way!!! Who is with me?

Thank you so much for opening these emails and giving me a platform to share what is running through my head. I’m grateful for you!

xo

Liz